if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
