I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize