We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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