I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
