No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
