David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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