he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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