lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
