Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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