why didn't you poke me back
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
