He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize