Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
