god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
