WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
did i walk over a car last night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
