I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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