Your mouth is God's brothel.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
