It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
