my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
