You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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