I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
