i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
