Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
