But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize