so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
