you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
