how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Randomize
