my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
