Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
