Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
