just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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