I can text with my tongue
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
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