And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize