Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
im on a boat
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