I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You ruined the universe
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
