I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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