No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize