so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
