After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
