I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
