Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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