Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
be right there i have to get my cape
And then my night got REAL pukey
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
