Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize