I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
