This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you had me at cake vodka
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
