I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
