new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
