U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
