did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
