I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
MIDGETS
????
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
