yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
