Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
