Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
