Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize