I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
