we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
