I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
