either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
