Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
