Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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