question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
