im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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