What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
