she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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