There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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