i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize