its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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