so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
