a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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