I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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