You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
