break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Randomize
