His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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