The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
