can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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