I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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