last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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