so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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