i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
