no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
