we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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