What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
