I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the day after is always just damage control
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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