he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
that may or may not have been my penis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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