sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
