You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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