she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
