is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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