All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
