I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
