is your mom at the bar?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
