I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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