Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
