...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
