i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
