I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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