dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
