The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
