who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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