His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize