She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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