i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
