that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
