I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize